I “woke up” in the course of the year 2008, or rather found the courage and wisdom destroy the old belief system I felt trapped in. There were various different variables that had guided me to that point, but the two major ones that I can identify are realizing my notion of love was completely wrong, and reading Graham Hancock’s book Supernatural. I had bought Supernatural while I was living in Japan in 2007 as an exchange student, but I got around to reading it the next year when I was back in Finland. It was one of those incidents when you see a book, and something deep inside you says you gotta read that book. It almost glowed on the bookshelf in the store like an item in a video game that you can pick up. I picked it up, looked at it, read the back cover text. The book seemed interesting, but my reason said at that point, it sounds too interesting to be true, it’s probably humbug. Gladly my intuition spoke louder at that point and I bought it. Supernatural deals with shamanism, Ayahuasca, spirituality and such matters. Reading the book managed to convince me there is actually reality behind such matters; I had wanted to believe it for a long time, but I needed more than just an emotional imperative to do so. I needed a rational reason to break through the walls of materialism. Supernatural provided it for me. It gave me the courage to face the truth that much of the reality we are sold by the main stream establishment of science, media, politics and religion is wrong. It wasn’t a poet’s daydream anymore, it was for real. It was exciting to discover this new world where nothing was known, and reality was for me to explore.
The other factor in destroying my old construct world-view was love. I had believed in the basic Hollywood-cheesy love song kind of romantic love. However in Japan I had met a Russian girl, we had a few moments of joy together and I was left with a broken heart. As I was forced to face the fact I wasn’t going to kill myself I had to revise my idea of love a great deal. As I was willing to let go of my deep-ingrained idea of love, it wasn’t too hard to let go off ideas about other matters like science and politics that I didn’t care much for anyway.
That was during the spring of 2008. I, for the most part, managed to rid myself of the old belief system and discovered there’s a whole new reality for me to discover. There was something true to spirituality, didn’t know what, but there was something there worth looking. The summer was one of conspiratorial awakening. I was looking for answers in the social and political walks of life. I watched many documentaries online, such as some Alex Jones videos. They seemed convincing enough. I was also watching UFO videos on Youtube. I first heard about the Disclosure Project, for example. Then I ran into the phenomenon that some people actually seemed to believe that reptilian aliens rule the earth. At first I thought it was hilarious. I probably laughed out loud and told my friends in IRC chat about it, how silly it was. Although there was something in me that figured its at least a better and more plausible explanation for what is happening on the planet than anything the main stream world is claiming it to be. On top of that there were some reptilian videos out there that were so obviously fake it seemed like they had been made to convince viewers that the whole reptilian issue is fake, which would suggest it is not completely fake. I kept looking. I watched a long interview of a Zulu shaman called Credo Mutwa who was interviewed by some white guy called David Icke. Credo Mutwa really knew how to pull your heart strings, I didn’t know on the rational level if I should believe him, but on an emotional level I did. I wanted to see more of Mutwa’s videos, but there weren’t many available. There were plenty of videos by the Icke-guy who seemed sort of dodgy, but since he was the one who brought Mutwa to me I guess he was alright.
There were so many things in what Icke was saying that made a whole lotta sense. Many things I had recently figured out myself, or nearly figured out. Like the concept of Opposames. Just few months ago I had figured out that Science and Religion or Left and Right in politics aren’t really opposites, more like two sides on the same coin. Icke was talking about the same thing, and he even had a word for it, Opposame. It seemed like he had all the answers. In the course of time my belief system shifted to that one of a proper conspiracy nut, although I remained quite agnostic about the reptilian issue. Yes, it’s another belief system, one based on fear at that, but still it was an improvement over any of the programming force fed by the main stream establishments. At that point you could say I had woken up simply because I had chosen to set on a path of no return. The beginning was confused and scary, but I was doing it of my own volition.