It’s often remarked in the conspiracy and “alternative research” community how people seem to have an odd fascination with end of the world scenarios. Book of Revelation, World War III, Ragnarök, Mayan 2012, one version of the Nibiru story, and the Finnish favourite The Russian Invasion. I’ll elaborate on my own perspective on the issue.
Basically my reasoning over 10 years ago was: the world sucks, my life sucks, I want it to change, the only possible end I can imagine is destruction of it all. Teen angst, loneliness, failure to establish significant relationship with the opposite sex in high school, and general dislike of most things in society made my life rather unenjoyable. Which isn’t that uncommon in high school according to my understanding. If we add my antipathy toward humanity for all of the oppression, wars and suffering humanity has wrought throughout the centuries and desire for retribution, an old fashioned apocalypse seemed like a rather welcome occurrence. However, life seemed too stable and unchanging. I basically perceived the world to be imprisoned by American lead capitalism. Then 9/11 happened. I found that to be pleasant surprise for the possibility of WW3 and the end of the world began to seem at least a somewhat conceivable. On top of that I felt hopeful that the soulless American money machine wasn’t invulnerable if a bunch of Taliban extremists living in a cave could inflict such damage. Another fine example of how you can convince yourself to believe anything, no matter how ludicrous, as long as you want it to be true. Hindsight is 20/2o, but had I not been consumed by the desire for destruction and revenge, it shouldn’t have been difficult for me to see through the obvious faulty nature of the official 9/11 narrative.
After 9/11, my hopes for the end of the world had acquired at least some ounce of validity. I could conceive of a possible end to the repulsive capitalist ideology enslaving the world. 9/11 gave me hope. A few years later I entered university, the internet also became an everyday tool for me. I had of course used the internet occasionally ever since the late nineties, but during that time it became a normal affair for me. I dabbled in reading about all sorts of esoteric stuff like occultism, the hollow earth and Nibiru. I didn’t read any of Zecharia Sitchin’s books, I didn’t dare. I found the story fascinating, I read all sorts of internet rumours about Nibiru, but I was afraid to really delve deep into the idea of Nibiru, because deep down I believed it couldn’t be true, so I didn’t want to look too deep. Yet I so wanted it to be true. Nibiru was a promise that the materialist, “scientific” world view according to which only boring things are real, might be shattered. Yet I was too cowardly to see it through. On the other hand, it was another harbinger of doom. One story was something like when Nibiru comes it going to rip earth apart, or the Annunaki or going to kill us all. Both seemed desirable scenarios.
I believe it was around the year 2006 that I first heard about the Mayan calendar end date 2012. Somehow it seemed more plausible, and back then 2012 seemed so far away in the future. Another promise of apocalypse. It seemed reliable and mystical as well. A few years after, I was familiar with some versions that 2012 might not mean end of the world, but end of the world as we know it. Maybe our world could change for the better. I still preferred the old school payback for humanity for its sins, yet I was at least open for a different narrative.
Now, in August of 2012, I don’t think this year will be any more significant than the last or the next one. I think all of them are going to be important years. The world will change for the better. It’s for each individual to decide are they going to change alongside with it and help the process, or resist out of sheer idiocy. I don’t think anything too significant will occur on December 21st, however I still wanna keep my eyes open on that day.
That is my lust for the apocalypse in a nutshell. It no longer affects me, but I wouldn’t call it a mental disorder or anything like that. It too, like many other painful things in my life, was a process. No pain, no gain. Human beings are often fascinated by tragedy, and us Finns are melancholic and pessimistic by nature (or should I say culture), that combined with the genuine desire for the world to change can result in eschatological dreams.